So outside in my hallway just a bit ago was a song battle.
I don't know who these people were, but I kind of love them, because one was playing the Justice League theme.
Then someone else put on this pop song thing.
And then the Justice League person turned up their volume.
And then they were presumably told to kindly shut the fuck up by a neighbor, but still. Song battle. With the Justice League theme. In my dorm.
I love my school.


PS: Justice League totally won.

Yeah... well, one grade is in, but I'm not sure if the other grade will bump me up to the GPA I want (read: NEED. OH MY GOD I NEED IT SO MUCH).

I had my last day of summer classes yesterday. Yay me!
Unfortunately, I still have two papers, a computer project, and ten questions for women's studies due by friday.
Yeah. Busy, busy week.
But on the bright side...


My birthday's on friday!

I can't believe it.

I've GRADUATED! Suddenly everything in high school seems a bit smaller and makes me ask the questions "Why did it ever bother me? Certainly I have to deal with worse things now."

It's strange. I'm growing up in ways that never really occurred to me. I've always imagined graduation but I never thought that I'd change in the ways that would make me want to be all lovey-dovey with my friends because the idea(s) just occurred to me that I might never see them again.

That might seem mellodramatic, but I've moved around a lot and to think that you're going to stay buddy-buddy with every single person who has been a little more than civil to you is just flat out niave. I'm not saying that no matter what you'll always be alone because ultimately we have to move/adapt/etc. to make new lives for ourselves when we more or less need a clean slate. And I'm not saying that making friends for any purpose other than the moment is stupid, because some of them will be attached to you like growths (wanted or otherwise).

You just might be very surprise about who stays in contact over the years. True, there's facebook now, but I doubt anyone can keep up with 200+ friends on the same intense level that they can with their BFF.

But ultimately, facebook or no, people grow apart, facebooks get deleted, numbers get unexplicably changed without telling any one and suddenly comes the prospect you might never even be able to say "Hi" to them again. It's a sizeable blow that would make anyone with a shard of a heart think. Things change without any thought or feeling to how that might effect you and hot damn you better be able to adapt or it will consume you.

(...Wow this is way more darker than intended.)

That is to say that I have a feeling that to not talk to Myth any more I'll have go into the witness protection program, and even then our mind link will be so strong she'll find me within a few years and even then most likely the reason I'd join a witness protection program is because we created some havoc together somehow.

I'm not saying we talk every day when she's away, and it will probably get even more difficult when I have my own college schedule to juggle. But whenever we get together it's like we never separated. And with this shared journal, skype, facebook and the number of trips we'll both be taking to each other colleges (if and when rides are provided by good sumaritans) I doubt that we'll relinquish each other easily.

So in less than a week I'm going to receive my high school diploma and mark the endof my time as a grade-school student. It really hasn't hit me yet.

It's insane to think about stuff like this. I mean, I really haven't done anything yet. I've spent a lot of time on the computer. I do have regrets, but I try not dwell on them.

I am thankful that I was able to meet Myth and the rest of our group.

And I don't really know why I'm posting. Yeah it's noon, I'm still in my pajamas. A few people are waiting for me to call them. Still, it gave me a reason to use the newly made Jim icon.

[The icon is because I don't have a "shocked"-looking icon. Must remember to make one.]

So much has happened since I last posted about band. I'm still thinking about it. Maybe after school ends and I'll need to find a way to fill up my free time that doesn't cost money I will pick up my brother's trumpet and experiment. I looked up the requirements for joining band at FSU and there is an audition. I have never done great at auditions/anything that involves me performing alone. Anxiety has a way of coming back to bite me in the ass. I don't know if I could learn a completely new instrament (since I'd be switching from a reed to a brass) and be comfortable enough in my ability to sight read (which I'm horrible at any way) and just go off on a bunch of scales. (Especially next to people who will be playing their primary instraments since elementary school. If I do decide to take up the trumpet (or any other instrament) I probably will wait a year, just so I can compete closer to par.)

Also, I have been meaning to (once again) take up the violin that's been sitting, neglected and refresh (again) what I know and expand my skill.

I also have Myth's JL gift (don't worry, she knows) to work on, and now that I have a laptop (huzzah!) I will not be limited to my house. (I'll probably just camp out at Myth's house, knowing me.)

I've applied to several jobs and will continue to do so over the next couple of weeks. However, at the end of June it will seem pointless. So I do have an experation date on the job hunting.

I'm graduating in basically a week. That's sort of mind blowing, even though it hasn't hit me yet. I'm done. All I have is the senior picnic. And then I'm done!

So that's it.

With all of my whining, crying, complaining, and proclamations of how much I dislike band past, I can finally lean back and breath a breath of fresh air.

But strangely enough, I have a bit of regret.

Hindsight will always come back to bite me in the ass. I know this by now. And even though if given the chance to live through this year again knowing everything I know now, I doubt there would be any significant changes.

However, I can admit my attitude may have affected much of my experiences.

And even after all the sweat and tears and time I poured into band, and even after all the complaining I've done, I can still honestly admit that on some level I still love it. It is with that note that I will admit to be entertaining the idea to joining the marching band at FSU.

I know what you're going to say: WHAT? HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY BANANAS?

My answer: a little.

I have no energy really to delve into the matter fully, since I'm still entertaining the idea with a candle lit dinner and a walk on the beach. I still have yet to reach the conclusion of asking it for a more serious commitment. I plan to play around with my brother's trumpet (because I refuse to pick up a clarinet ever again) and then think about it some more. Maybe I'll ask to talk to a few students who are involved.

Who knows? I might really need to be committed (to an asylum).

...left of school. (Dear god! It won't end!)

I have the AP Psych exam today, but I'm not worried. I'm not worried about any of them since my goal is not really to pass them. (I'm tired and running out of steam quickly.)

Even though it was extremely stupid for the school to through attendance requirements for exam exemptions out the window, I can't really complain that much because I'm so thankful. I mean, now no one is coming to school because they don't have to... including me. A part from a few dates that I have tests on, there really isn't a point for me to be there any way.

In other news I've been spending the past couple of days with Myth... I've missed her so much (as well as the rest of my college friends). I think I should be worried that I was beginning to be depressed before everyone got back from college. But that's another topic for another day if or when I feel like it.

And now the real reason why I'm writing:

( The Justice League )

In other news, Myth and I might be going on a road trip to her college! (Georgia beware!)/EDIT/I say as my dad comes up behind me and tells me that it scares him that I'm driving on I-75. I'll have an answer by tonight. *sigh* Parents. (Myth, your mom may have to talk to my parents to vouch for both of us. Does anyone think it's sad that I have to get another parent to vouch for me against my own parents?)


[EDIT @ 10 p.m.]
Trip was canceled due to the fact that Myth has to stay longer than I can...

It's getting harder and harder to get up in the morning and go to school. I swear that I am becoming bipolar by just sitting through these excruciating hours.

One moment I'm happy and my usual self and then I feel like I'll never be happy/gloomy about my entire future. These fluctuations have not been helped by past events (including the car crash, dentist, and other events that I have chosen not to disclose in this journal). In fact, today I learned that my secure summer job as a lifeguard is out the window! I don't have one any more! The club that I guarded at is cutting expenses, and the head lifeguard wants to try out a new guy, and so guess who gets the boot? <---rhetorical.

So I have to find a job. Sucks. Majorly.

Even if it kills me! *looks determined*

But in all seriousness. I have 29 more school days left and 3.5 senior skip days to use (so technically I only have 25.5 days left of school... not including two more half days). I absolutely cannot wait. All I really have to do is survive past band states and AP Exams and then I'm free. I won't really have anything to do after that.

My parents have declared that a laptop will be my graduation present, and I am perfectly fine with that.

I have to send out my announcements by the end of this week.

And I want to finish the first part of a new JL story by the end of next week. (Finished the first draft that's being edited by Myth. I just need to get the second draft done, find one more beta, fix up a few loose ends, and then I'll post it up for the Internet to see.)

I can't believe that I'm almost done with school. Forever. It's mind blowing.

But until then... or rather, until tomorrow, I have homework, a room to clean (pfft, like that's going to happen), announcements to address, cheese fondue to make, and probably a bunch of other stuff that will just get put off some more.

P.S. - Happy Easter!

[This icon is the closest to emo I will ever go.]

I have been struggling with this for quite some time now. Ever since my friends that are now in college (a year older than me) left for their respective schools, my social life has become more like a free fall ride than a roller-coaster. Where when I have a steady group of friends, I have patches of unsociable solitude followed by peaks of over-sociable "partying". (And by partying with my friends, that means monopoly or movies or awesome sleep overs.) Now, it's mostly me going straight home and sleeping/doing homework and/or busy with band (which is probably one of the main reasons why I still consider myself at having friends) or some other thing I happen to be working on.

I'm going to contribute part of my mood to senioritis (which continues to be a bitch and a half) and the fact that is allergy season (since my allergies are usually bad enough to deprive me from sleep, this is a valid argument). I am not completely saying that I'm adopting an external locus of control (psychology for the win), I do take some of the responsibility for myself. I have been more irritable as of late and I admit to not getting along with my fellow high-school friends better than most, which cannot be helped by my recent plague of irritability.

In fact, I completely own up to not giving it my all. But my motivation is (admitedly) just to get to the first of May, when college people start coming home from the summer. But, I do regret my lack of connection with my fellow seniors.

This is the true evidence of my lack of commitment/energy/etc. because I could probably put more effort into my social life, but I've been feeling more and more tired lately (partially due to allergies not allowing me to breathe!) and... for some reason it's never balanced. It's always busy, busy, busy.... nothing, nothing, nothing. It's so bi-polar it's making me crazy. And unfortunately, the rest of March is looking like I won't be able to do much on the home front. (This weekend I'll be spending time at FSU with eurogabby  and other friends there and the next week/weekend is my band trip.) I would love to spend time with my friends... reminding them that I do exist outside of school... but I don't think that's going to happen until spring break. (And chances are I'll be busy with my own college-of-choice (TBA) and orientation and all that.)

It's just aggravating the way there isn't enough time in the day to do everything I want. And how much I (almost regularly) feel alienated from my own classmates.

I actually really needed this. LJ has a lot of theraputic qualities.

(I apologize for the awkard time that this post was put up. I guess it didn't transfer when I hit post the first time.)

[EDIT]
I just wanted to say that nothing in here really is anything to act upon. This was just some stress getting out and knowing me... I'm probably blowing something way out of proportion. Thank you.

I finally get to use this icon!

Yes! I got a B! And for those of you who say "Well why didn't you get an A? Why are settling for a B?" here's my answer:

First of all, it is almost impossible to get an a on my physics teacher's tests. (Only one or two ever get As in the entire class.) And second of all, I needed at least a B to pull my grade up to a passing one. (Senioritis is hitting hard.)

Sorry for the lack of wit, most of it is being spent on our (Myth and my) group's project. That and I have been more tired than usual.

Somewhere, somehow a lone goat herder hears a scream and a thunk as I fall out of bed.

It's 6:48 a.m. I haven't been up this early all break. My eyes feel like they're being forced open with toothpicks.

mmmghermmmmasdeffferendummmm...

That's what I said to my mom when I attempted 'Good Morning'... oh, this will be interesting.

A lot has been happening, most of it making my hair go prematurely gray, but after a sit down, some thought, a few stress relievers, (and coloring... just kidding!) I am finally able to use a happy icon!

(Featuring the yummy David Tennant. *growl*)

Yes, there are a few things going on that I wish weren't: such as a lack of a job. But I will persevere, there are a few more things I haven't tried. And it's not the end of the world, I just have to make it to May.

Any way, my schedule is going wild. This Saturday is the last Saturday that I really have nothing planned. After that, not until December do I have a free weekend.

But, as KT pointed out, it's better than to be busy to the point of exhaustion than be bored.

*shrug*

So I experienced my first day of being a senior, and it definitely has it's ups and downs. Granted, I don't have the ideal senior schedule, I'm going to be working hard both inside and out of school. But, at least right now, I'm okay with that. (You'll probably be hearing from later typing in caps lock how much I hate my schedule and that I wish I did absolutely nothing and graduated already, etc. etc. etc.)

Any way, let's just get right down to the first impressions:

What sucks about my Senior Year

(1) My Spanish II class! I'm the first one in and the teacher (Mrs. M) starts talking in fluent Spanish! I'm like "que?" (Not really, I probably just stood there looking really confused. She repeated herself like five times. (She was asking me to take a seat.)) So after everyone was settled in, she started talking rapidly in Spanish, and everyone had the exact dazed look that I felt. Then she walked over to me and I'm thinking "Oh crap." Then she's talking to me in Spanish. Luckily I know enough that she asked me what my name was and how many siblings I had.

But the best part of the period was when a kid came in with his schedule, all lost and confused, and he just wanted to ask how to get to another class. Mrs. M tries to be helpful, but gives him directions in Spanish. The poor kid had no idea what she was saying! He left even more confused than when he entered.

(2) Besides band I don't have any classes with anyone that I consider a close friend! (And even band is pushing it.) Luckily I have lunch with DK and MB among other acquaintances (that are nice enough, I'm just not ready to move the relationship past casual lunch to sleep overs).


Now that the bad stuff is out of the way, time for the good stuff!

What completely ROCKS about my Senior Year

(1) First Period: AP Lit with Mr. J. Mr. J is totally wicked! I was excited when I got him because I knew that he was the one I wanted (the only other teacher I knew, and I didn't like her at all). HE'S AWESOME! First of all, he's actually saying that he's not going to give us busy work or work sheets (which I loathe, so yay!) and then when he tells the class that "The worst thing about the class for some people is that there's a lot of reading." Which to that, I say "BRING IT!"

And then to make it even more awesome(!) Mr. J says that since it's first period and everyone is usually really tired, we can bring in coffee and some breakfast (so long as it doesn't make a mess). So all I have to say is "You go Mr. J!"

(2) Fourth Period: Math Anal with Mr. F. Even though I have the class with CK (for reasons that are entirely too long to say in this one entry), Mr. F looks very entertaining and actually sounds like he's going to teach me something! (Of course, after Ms. U, a monkey could teach me something.)

(3) I have MR. B(!) for AP Psychology! ('nuf said.)

(4) And finally, I have Mr. L for Physics. Oh the entertaining posts that will derive from that class seem endless! I wish I could tell you everything he said in just the fifty-fife minutes I spent in his class, but I'll have to settle for the last thing he said before the bell rang:

"Find a nice boy. Ladies, if a guy likes killing animals he's probably not going to be a good father. Find a boy who likes animals. Specifically cats. Because they make excellent fathers."

(I had to get out of there fast because I was laughing so hard I thought I'd pee myself!)

Afterthought: I want to try and make icons from my favorite shows. I'll start with the ones I have on DVD, i.e. Bones, Buffy, and Firefly

I am because I'm not entirely ready for this week to start. I have like zero free time... and it's the week before my senior year which I haven't even started to prepare for. I still need to empty my book bag from last year (yes, I still haven't done that), and you know, just chill and hang out with friends, maybe finish my final summer essay.

And for those of you doubting my schedule, here it is:

Monday
Lifeguarding 10am - 2pm
Band Camp 4pm - 9pm

Tuesday
Lifeguarding 10am - 2pm
Band Camp 4pm - 9pm

Wednesday
Lifeguarding 10am - 2pm
Band Camp 4pm - 9pm

Thursday
Debate Officer Meeting 11am - ?
Sailing Night Work 4:15pm - 9:45

Friday
Lifeguarding 10am - 2pm
Band Camp 4pm - 9pm

Saturday
Band Presentation 9am - 1pm
(only free hours after that)

Sunday
Lifeguard 12pm - 6pm

And then I start school.

So, I've done something amazing! I've decreased the stress I've been feeling for a while!

(This is a relief because I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep for the past month or so. I know this because (1) my jaw is sore constantly when I wake up in the morning, (2) the texture of my back molars have changed, and (3) Michelle pointed it out when she slept over a week ago.)

"But wait? How did you make it all better?"

I no longer have to take Spanish II online! (So I don't have to worry about technical malfunctions! YAY!) I switched it out for AP Chem, so not only does that remove a lot of my Summer Assignments, but probably means less work for my senior year, which I welcome.

(Thank Myth for listening to me worry and then suggesting this course of action.)

Side Note: Does anyone else have trouble with the "MOOD" setting on these journals? Like, does anyone have trouble figuring out the way they feel and which emoticon is the closest to expressing it? I do.

Also, Myth has got me hooked on ANOTHER show that's going to cost me a fortune: Bones.

I've been renting and watching the episodes in sequence. I have a thing for Zack Addy. Not fair Myth, not fair.

Another thing: the guy who plays Zack is 33... I feel slightly dirty with this information.